“The power of words can either freeze us or compel us forward.
Taking the stack of papers from her hand, I leaned in closer, asking, “There’s more?”
Dearest Reader,
Three and a half years ago, I wrote the words, “This moment, this place in time, sitting in my Doctor’s private domain, my heart pounds. I hear it in my ears. Feel it down to my toes.”
Yesterday I spent five hours in my neurologist’s office, massaging my aching knees and staring at a file six inches thick, wondering to myself do the inches represent the years? I have been living, moving, breathing, in the wilderness for six years. Six long years.
A thick file lay on the table overflowing with labels, lists, specialists, and more diagnosis’ I did not want.
The power of words can either freeze us or compel us forward.
And, Here I find myself again.
Taking the stack of papers from her hand, I leaned in closer, asking, “There’s more?”
I am thankful for the compassion in her voice when she begins to explain this new thing, the options, the specialist, and possible treatments.
Again, I hear the words, “There is no cure, only management.”
Really? Lord? Are we here AGAIN? Of course, just as all the times before there wasn’t a strawberry lollipop, a princess band-aid, or even a sticker.
Remembering a precious friend, her words when she shared her story, how she banged the steering wheel of her car screaming, “Haven’t we already done this, God?”
How can we carry the weight and move forward in the wilderness?
- Take time to lament and wrestle.
Can I be raw and honest with you? There’s a part of the lamenting and wrestling that looks more like an unholy temper tantrum before the Lord. If you are living in the wilderness, you understand what I’m saying. Right?
- Give yourself grace and space to process this new thing.
We need time to gather ourselves before we can move forward.
- Make time to grieve.
Grieving your loss before moving forward must happen. I implore you to give yourself the time you need for grieving. Each new layer requires adjusting.
- Do not rush the wrestling.
Wrestling with God brings us closer to God.
The power of words can either freeze us or compel us forward.
I don’t pretend to know where you are, but I will tell you I have been here long enough to know that I do not want to freeze up in the wilderness. I want to move forward, live my best life, and live it well, even when it is amid the pain.
It will not be easy. Perhaps you already know that.
If I can guide you in any way, please contact me at tlmashburn@yahoo.com.
I won’t feed you empty words. However, you will need another guide: God.
God, He is our refuge, our shelter, and our fortress. He knows our pain, our doubts, and fears. He is the God who sees, El Roi.
When my medical file grows thicker, the ground is rocky, and my faith is shakey, I want God. I. Need. Him.
There is no other way.
He sees me, and He sees you. Can we trust Him? Absolutely! God will care for us in the wilderness.
“The one who lives under the protection of the Most Highdwells in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say concerning the Lord, who is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust” Psalms 91:1-2 (CSB)
Redefining the Wilderness
Your Wilderness Guide,
RECENT POSTS
Obedience or Sacrifice: Relationship or Religion
Searching Beyond the Surface of Ruth
Finding Contentment In My Year of Trust
You are welcome here! Sign up here and receive new posts directly in your inbox.
I’m blessed to serve you in this place, to guide you through your wilderness as I journey through mine. I picture you across the table, hands wrapped tightly around your cup, sharing life, and laughter, and tears. As I share with you, my daily struggles, I long to hear what yours may be. You can do that by commenting below or reaching out to me at tlmashburn@yahoo.com.
PS: My first book, Mornings In The Word is available now. Order your copy today.
Beautiful Sweet Tammy. Thank you for pouring your heart and love out. I’m sharing honey. Love ya honey, and praying honey
Love you, Beautiful Lady!! Thank you for your prayers and for sharing! I pray my story helps someone else walking through the wilderness.
XO
IT’s hard to trust through this. I’ve been there and feel your pain. Praying for you often.
Yes, it is, Mandy! Thank you for your prayers.
XO
Aww, I am so sorry for the more bad news. But thank you for sharing your brave spirit and fail-proof plan for navigating. God is a good guide, and he will help us and equip us. I’m glad you recognize the need to grieve–I think all too often we forget that step and wonder why we feel dissatisfaction.
Yes, Anita, God is a good guide! We do forget the grieving. I believe it is necessary to move forward. Thanks for stopping by!
XO
I hate more bad news. But, I love you – you are brave. xo
Love you!
XO
I’m sorry for more bad news! But I love you too. You amaze me!
But God, Tara!!
XO
Tammy,you always inspire me with your words! Make me want to give more of this “stuff “to God. I had my ablation last week. Of course it didn’t go as planned. As soon as they ablated the electrical miss fire the Dysautonomia immediately took over and really showed out while I was asleep. Back to square one and on meds for it.😭😭
Oh no, Jackie!! Prayers and hugs!
XO
Wow, I needed to read this. Thank you, Tammy!
I’m so glad God used it!
XO