“We must feel the pain to heal the pain.”
Lysa TerKeurst-Uninvited
Dear Readers,
I was prepared today with lighthearted words and funny stories. It’s our honeymoon week, my Sweet Man’s first days of retirement. Days of discovering new rhythms, later alarms, and more coffee than we need. Watching his amazement at the amount of traffic on our road. His furrowed brows as we divide chores.
If I were honest, I would tell you I didn’t even want to show up today. These first days are sacred days, finding new life in the ordinary and mundane.
And then.
And then I received an email late in the day, one filled with brokenness and pain. Devastation. A soft place to fall suddenly turned hard. Security and familiarity ripped to shreds. I read it more than once, tucked my phone away, whispered prayers, only to wake many times during the night. Upon checking the time, alerts crawled across the screen. More devastation. Fire, deaths, shootings, prison escapes. So. Much. Hard.
In the dark of night hard questions circle my mind, piercing deep.
Where is the beauty when ridges trip you up and send you flat on your face, your broken heart splintered a thousand and one ways?
The answer came long before questions haunted my sleep.
“until at last the Spirit is poured out on us from heaven. Then the wilderness will become a fertile field, and the fertile field will yield bountiful crops.” Isaiah 32:15 (NLT)
“You take care of the earth and water it, making it rich and fertile. The river of God has plenty of water; it provides a bountiful harvest of grain, for you have ordered it so. You drench the plowed ground with rain, melting the clods and leveling the ridges. You soften the earth with showers and bless its abundant crops.” Psalm 65:9&10 (NLT)
I had read this earlier in the evening, writing down these words :
-The wilderness becomes a fertile field, yielding beautiful crops
-The river of God, Living Water, equals a bountiful harvest
-Levels the ridges, softens my edges, softens the blow of painful places
-Painful, broken places bring blessings and abundant crops
-Living Water-Abundance-Abundant life
I know this with my heart, but the actual living it?
The fertile field lies deep in the wilderness and I must walk through it to find abundant life with bountiful harvest. To live in faith is to take the steps.
Weeks before I was given a space of beauty, a bountiful harvest, outside of time. A window of abundance before hard things poured over us.
I wore this shirt.
Sang these words.
Hands raised high, believing with all I am, I am not alone.
Today I must live from a place of deep faith. Trust abundance will come. And it will. On the other side of this life we, as Believers, will live in awe of the bountiful harvest.
This side, we will gulp Living Water. Live with eyes wide open to the blessings of abundant places in the wilderness. In the hard, painful places.
Today, I will tell myself, “Even if, I still will,” over and over. Tomorrow, I will say it again.
“I don’t have to figure my present circumstances out. I don’t have to fill the silence in another person’s absence. I don’t have to know all the was and what-ifs. All I have to do is trust.”
Lysa TerKeurst-Uninvited
Gifts of Grace
PS: I’m blessed to serve you in this place, to share with you the Gifts of Grace as I journey through the wilderness. I picture you across the table, hands wrapped tightly around your cup, sharing life, and laughter, and tears. As I share with you my own daily struggles, I long to hear what yours may be. Sharing the realness of life. You can do that by commenting below or reaching out to me here.
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In case you missed these posts:
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Three Questions I’m Asked and My Three Answers: Living With Chronic Illness

Tammy, it can be so difficult to find beauty in the heard times, but I also feel as though we learn to appreciate the beauty a little more. You said it so well when you wrote “The fertile field lies deep in the wilderness”. Getting to the deep wilderness isn’t always the easiest path. It can be full of fallen trees and rough terrain, but to get there, you have to go through. Thank you for your encouraging words, we’re neighbors over at #TestimonyTuesday Linkup this week.
Thank you Debbie for stopping by!
XO
Tammy
This was beautiful! You are so right, living a life of trust sometimes means repeating over and over “Even if, I still will.” It takes a made-up mind to live by faith.
Yes it does Jerralea! Thank you for stopping by!
XO
Tammy
Yes…gulp living water! Sometimes we just need to come to the well and be refueled. Beautiful post friend!
All the time Sweet Friend, all the time!
XO
Tammy
Beautiful words here: “The fertile field lies deep in the wilderness and I must walk through it to find abundant life with bountiful harvest. To live in faith is to take the steps.” Oh, how hard it is sometimes to take the steps, but God is so close to help us! Thank you for sharing such encouraging thoughts in these troubled times. Blessings to you!
Blessing to you as well Bettie!
XO
Tammy
“The fertile field lies deep in the wilderness and I must walk through it to find abundant life with bountiful harvest. To live in faith is to take the steps.” It does seem that the hard things I’ve gone through are the ones that bring me closer to God. They make me realize how much I need Him. And that helps me praise Him more in the good times as well.
Thanks for sharing your heart, Tammy! We still need to find time to get together again! I wonder if things will ever slow down.
Blessings to you, dear sister! xo I’m your neighbor at the #LMMLinkup this week.
Thank you Gayl! Yes, we need to make time for another get together!
XO
Tammy
Even if. . . I still will. A passage I turn to often for comfort. Thank you for your beautiful words today. Praying God makes His Presence known in tangible ways this week.
Thank you Debbie! I’m so glad you stopped by!
XO
Tammy
Congratulations Tammy on your husband ‘s retirement. What a blessing for you both! I love your shirt as it is one of my fav passages. God used it greatly during a rough season in our family. Your post was tender and oh so true. One moment we are lighthearted with life and the next, some bit of news or words spoken change everything. You spoke of it with tenderness and faith, leaving me comforted at the highs and lows of life. Blessings !
Thank you Gretchen! Habakuk 3:17-19 is one of my favorite passages as well! I love the shirt, it came from Heart Work Tees. Thank you for your encouraging words!
XO
Tammy
This is so raw and beautiful, Tammy! It’s true, life is not always mountain tops. There are many valleys, but I love that you mentioned to keep taking the steps in faith. It’s in those steps that God guides us and gives us directions for the steps to follow. Thanks for linking up at Salt & Light.
Thank you Alisa for stopping by! Thank you For Salt & Light, it’s a beautiful site!
XO
Tammy