“I’m feeling some release from my unrealistic expectations of myself. The crowd of unanswerable questions that has plagued me for so long felt like a cage, imprisoning me from the freedom of full faith.”

Luci Shaw from Adventure of Ascent

It is Friday, my favorite day of the week. Today is the day I join Kate Motaung and others, where we come together and write five minutes, on one word.

Today’s word: BREATHE 

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It’s pitch dark, middle of the night,  and I am burrowed between layers of down, gripping the covering in my hand. My body, stages a revolt. Heart stampeding in relentless rhythm against brittle ribs. I fight for calm.

I whisper the words often repeated in the dark of night, “Breathe, just breathe.” Still as a church mouse, I say them again, “Breathe, just breathe.”

Life with Dysautonomia, P.O.T.S., is an ugly thing. There is no cure, only good management.

I placed unrealistic exceptions on myself earlier this week. My body was calling in the debt of over extending myself. The debt of poor management.

Erin Loechner in her book Chasing Slow says, “I learn, and I relearn.”  Unrealistic expectations is the lesson I learn, and relearn.

I’m stubborn that way, often pretending I can do it all. Smiling when pain overwhelms. I’m wondering if you can relate.

I do not believe we are even expected to, though society and social media may tell us differently.

This is the year I am embracing OPENThe year I plan to remove the excess, cutting unrealistic expectations, over buying, over extending, over doing from my life. Releasing the things which hold me imprisoned in a cage.

This is the year I will learn and relearn, stand in the wide open arms of God’s grace and breathe. Just breathe.

“We throw open our door to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand-out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.”

Romans 5:1b-2 The Message 

In case you missed anything this week, I have posted the links below:

What’s On My January Bookshelf

What’s Saving Me This Winter

Gifts of Grace