“It’s not about me; it’s about what He can do with me. My job is simply to pay attention and enjoy the rainbows.”
Choose Joy~Sara Frankl & Mary Carver
Time spreads slowly across my days. The sky is gray, hinting at the coming rain. I turn the page in my day planner. Fan them forward, peeking at the next twenty~nine days. Gazing at the path ahead.
I will turn fifty~six this month. Wasn’t it just yesterday I fretted with thoughts of fifty? Seems so.
I celebrated the new decade by running a half marathon. Those miles, marked clearly in my memory, on my heart. I will never forget them. Feet pounding to the rhythm of the iPod shoved into my ears. The ocean breeze blowing strong. I tucked in behind every folk taller and wider than me to shield myself from the wind. Sustained winds blowing seventeen miles per hour that day.
My man and family greeting me at the finish line. I felt accomplished, empowered, somehow. As if I was pushing against time, winning a tiny hold on the tug of war. Aging; the process of it, something we bump against in each passing day.
If I have learned anything in the first half of this decade it is this…
Pushing against time with brute force only wears you down. Shreds the soul, tears the body. The slowing of time can only come with learning to slow. To savor. To relish. To live each day and be present in it, regardless of what it may bring.
As most of you know, I have long since traded in my running shoes for sturdier things to get about.
Having donated most to my former high school’s cross country team. I still occasionally see them crossing the finish line when I am visiting home. Passing them on, a way to keep logging the miles.
As I cross over to the backside of fifty, begin the second half of this decade, I will have a new companion.
My balance poor, the fragile bones, the dailyness of vertigo; I needed a cane.
It has taken months for me to wrap my mind around it. The need of it. Pride rearing its ugly head and keeping me from acceptance.
After much debating with my sweet man, shaking my head no, each time he showed me one. He gave me grace, space to work through it all.
I sat with it, working it out. The wilderness path taking the unexpected winding turn. Making for a new need of dependence.
After several close calls, near tumbles, sending my laptop skidding across the way; I yielded. It wasn’t quite that pretty~smile. I can still play a mean game of tug of war in this stubborn heart of mine.
After the sorting, the accepting, I started to browse. Shopping for canes is not so different than shopping for scarves and other pretty accessories. Somewhere along the way, in the softening of me, I had fun. I knew it could not be just any ole cain. It. Must. Be. Cute.
Browsing the wide open space of internet, I finally found it! A cute cane, if ever there was such a thing. Turns out Amazon carries an entire line of them. Charming Canes they’re called. (I have posted the link below)
The hard choosing, turned to joy, as I picked one. Funny thing is, I have decided I will need more than one! Coordinating with other accessories! (picture my man’s raised eyebrows~smile)
With a mixture of cold sweat and acceptance, I opened the box the day it arrived.
Charming cane is a fit description. She’s cute as can be. Dignified, even. I am calling her Sassy.
I am genuinely sorry, I put myself through the hardship of taking so long to yield. You think I would’ve learned that lesson by now.
I have found leaning on my new companion lends a certain strength. Security. Providing balance that wasn’t there before.
Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?
For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.
Isaiah 43:19~NLT
My new companion, a reminder. A reminder to lean on The One who will make a pathway through my wilderness.
In the leaning, there is new strength.
It’s not about me. Not about the cane. In Sara Frankl’s words, “it is about what he can do with me.” It’s about finding the rainbows, finding the joy, paying attention to what he is doing, opening to the way he meets me in the wilderness.
Graced by God
Tammy Mashburn

Tammy, charming indeed…such a cute cane. I need to check out that book. Just another one to add to my “to read” pile! 🙂 Great post!
Thank you, Tara. It certainly gives me perspective in the hard things!
XO
Tammy
Oh, Tammy, you never fail to model so much for all of us as you courageously look to the Lord for His grace and mercy for each day of this challenge. I also love your choice of “assistant”. I had a very very badly sprained ankle about 5 years ago and got too worn from crutches and a friend of mine who works in assisted living facilities came over and loaned me a walker. I was not a happy camper, but once she schooled me on its benefits and how to use it appropriately I gave in. It really was a great help. I even accepted taking it to a world conference at the Opryland Hotel. It was a small thing compared to your challenges, but it gives me a fraction of a sense of how you faced looking at canes. Blessings on your day!
Pam
Thank you Pam for your encouraging words! Yes, it’s in the stripping down where we can see His Grace so clearly.
XO
Tammy
Amen, my friend!
Tammy, This post touched me so much! There are so many portions I could highlight that had such depth of insight.
I found myself reading Sara Frankl’s quote over and over again, letting the words sink in.
I love the verse from Isaiah. I have prayed it many times when facing challenges or even my own fears.
The symbolism of the “Charming Cane” and the importance of us “leaning into Christ” was such an encouraging reminder.
Your testimony is bringing such Glory to God. Thank you for sharing!
Blessings to you.
Thank you Karen! You’re kind and encouraging words are a blessing!
Sending love & prayers your way.
Tammy
Looks just like you. Great choice choosing this. I might have known you would have to have more
than one. My daughter that has to match everything. Love this about you. Keep up good job.
Love.
Mom
I love this Tammy. Your heart is so tender and transparent. “In leaning there is strength.” You’ve given me much to think about. Love you! (Your cane is darling! I was hoping to see it!)
Diane, I am blessed to have you as a writing mentor! Always encouraging me with your own words and your sweet words to me.
XO
Tammy
Oh, Tammy! What a compliment. I’m just learning from everyone–including you!!! ((Hugs))
If it makes you feel any better, I started using hiking poles in my 40s for hiking–I felt a little odd, but I sure appreciated the extra support! :). They aren’t half as beautiful as Sassy, though ;).
Precious Anita! My sweet daughter in law loves her hiking poles. I have teased my husband about needing more, he asked if I planned to use one on each side! Maybe. ?
YOU, my dear, although a stubborn one, are heroic. You have earned my respect and I pray God will use these words of yours to encourage others as they learn to accept “what God can do with me now.” BEAUTIFUL. I know a woman who desperately needs your words but you see, she doesn’t do computers – I want to put your book into her hand. 😉
A book is my big dream! 🙂 Praying God will open doors for that opportunity.
XO
Tammy
Thank you for the encouraging words!
I love your post and I’m glad you found a cane that is charming. I can also be far too stubborn and independent but I love your statement that “in the leaning there is new strength.” Visiting from #TellHisStory
Thank you for stopping by!
XO
Tammy
I am blessed by your words. God is with us and that is the beautiful thing. I keep discovering we are kindred souls in many ways. I turned 56 today so I share your decade and am joining you as we move through the second half with grace. God is with us! Beautiful my friend!
Happy Birthday, Mary! Yes, we will link arms and enter this season with his grace! Thank you for your sweet words.
XO
Tammy
What a beautiful story of surrendering! I just love your attitude that surely comes from strong faith! You’re on my mind during my late 50’s..now need glasses for reading, tooth need extraction, …skin thinning, more gray strands…thank you for this encouraging writing! Bless you and Sassy!
Friend your words make me smile!
Thank you for stopping by!
XO
Tammy