IMG_190131 Days Walking Through Chronic Illness

day thirty

“When we fail to choose to live our lives fully awake, the ashes will extinguish the beauty, the mourning will smother the joy, and the despair will end our praise.

Awake~Joel N. Clark

This coming January will mark the third anniversary of my life~altering event.

I have realized, this is it. This is my life.

The new normal, it is not so new anymore.

Where in the world do I go from here?

For me, it is choosing to live fully awake. Fully alive.

Sure there are many days I would rather fold up in bed, under the warm covers, a good book in hand.

That day may come. It is not today.

I have napped. Laid under my fuzzy blanket, flannel pajamas and fuzzy socks. It is one of those days. I am cold, longing for a warm fire to stand next to. Hot cocoa in hand.

The rush to leave the house for an early morning appointment and life in general has wiped me out. The beast is showing it’s ugly self.

On these days, I still choose to live fully awake, fully alive.

To live any other way would be to give in. Give up the fight.

“More than ever God is asking us to forge new trails and reopen the ancient paths…

…This means we may be led down paths that initially look more difficult, but we can use the Word of God to clear and light our steps as we go.”

Lisa Bevere~Girls with Swords

I will forge a new trail. One, where God lights the path for my steps.

I will share my story and shine His Light for the one who is standing in the dark. Alone and afraid.

I will count the gifts, to one thousand and then some more. As treasures found in the wilderness.

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I will leave a trail for the one behind me. Crumbs of faith, passing on hope. Sharing His grace.

Enlightening those who stop and judge, having never walked in these shoes, with gentle words and grace and truth.

I will embrace this life and all that God has done for me in this place.

I will cling to His hand. The arm of my man. Lean on family and friends.

Lay down my pride, my need to control. Let it go, appreciating the place He has brought me to. A place of refreshment and life giving springs. Tasting of all that He offers me here.

“The depravity of man is only the realization of the hollow, the need. Depravity should only imply that we can be filled with God.” Amber C. Haines~Wild in the Hollow

I will intentionally remind myself this disease brought the depravity that showed me the hollow place of need.

The last piece of real estate in my heart He needed me to relinquish control in. Giving Him more space to move in.

Moving forward one step at a time, one moment at a time, living present in His presence. Choosing joy. Choosing hope and peace. Being met with His Grace and choosing this life with Him.

Offering praises and choosing not despair.

Gifts of Grace

Tammy Mashburn