Fighting hidden battles; you know the ones; battles we have hidden behind our well-crafted facades. Conflicts fought and lost in the filters we use. 

Dearest One,

I move through the days of My Year of Trust longing for spring, warmth, and sunshine. Change. Still, it doesn’t come.

A whisper from the Holy Spirit did. I wanted to thump my nose at the words, “is it control or trust?”

Well crafted prayers are they heartfelt or somehow shaped by control?

I confess to you; it is a little of both.

Refining, after all, does smite deep in our souls. The best lessons come from the hardest seasons. That does not mean I have to like it and neither do you.

Fact is the hidden battle I fight daily is my desire to control the circumstances. If I cannot fix it, my need to control the details overwhelm me. Am I alone? Do you find yourself attempting the same?

Shaping my prayers a certain way, plastering a smile on my face, digging for grace with every ounce of strength I can muster. Carefully watching my words, filtering the pictures, and holding things close rather than leaning on my community.

My family and friends will tell you I am the strong one after all.

Is it strength or is it control?

Fact is, beneath control lies a layer of fear, fear of how it will turn out.

I worry your compassion and kindness will unleash the tears I hold tightly in or worse, that I will crumble to the floor.

Rather than going boldly to the Throne of Grace, I tippy toe quietly near and leave my prayers. His ways are better than my ways, but what if it’s not the way I want things to work out?

“For as heaven is higher than earth, so my ways are higher than your ways,
and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9 (CSB)

What if I give up fighting my hidden battle, fully trusting God’s way?

The weight of it all would slip away. There would be no more hiding. No more control, instead there would be trust.

Trusting God with your most sacred parts is hard.

In 1 Samuel, chapters one and two, we see Hannah go back to the temple year after year, begging God would answer her prayers for a son, promising if He did she would give him back.

When Hannah weaned her son, she returned to the temple, trusting God with his life.

Just as Hannah, the truth is, there is nowhere else to go. Bad as long to fix it; I cannot. Only God.

He has promised us good and not harm. Promised a future and hope.

For I know the plans I have for you”  — this is the Lord’s declaration — “plans for your well-being, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 (CSB)

Fighting hidden battles; you know the ones; battles we have hidden behind our well-crafted facades. Conflicts fought and lost in the filters we use.

What if we laid the hidden battle, the conflicts, the filters, at the Throne of Grace and trusted the King of all kings?

How about we relinquish our control and fear, allowing our Rock and our Refuge to carry the load?

Exhausted and depleted is there any other way?

Dearest One, I think not.

From the Wilderness Place

Your Wilderness Guide,

RECENT POSTS

Searching Beyond the Surface of Ruth

Finding Contentment In My Year of Trust

Trust the Process

Discipleship In the Messiness of Life

Moving Forward in Trust

Trust: My Word of the Year

You are welcome here! Sign up here and receive new posts directly in your inbox. 

I’m blessed to serve you in this place, to guide you through your wilderness as I journey through mine. I picture you across the table, hands wrapped tightly around your cup, sharing life, and laughter, and tears. As I share with you, my daily struggles, I long to hear what yours may be. You can do that by commenting below or reaching out to me at tlmashburn@yahoo.com. 

PS: My first book, Mornings In The Word is available now. Order your copy today.