Finding contentment in my year of trust is not something I can manufacture. Contentment in the unholy hard can only come from God.
I long for a new chapter (thank you, Stacey Thacker! And Girlfriends Guide to the Bible), a new season, want so badly to cross this hurdle that lies before my family. Each day the story drags into the next with heaviness.
There are moments I fear I will shatter; however, there is this underlying contentment, that can only be explained by God. So I cling.
I cling to Him and cling to His Word with every ounce of my being.
There is a settledness in my soul I dare not question.
I shared this with a friend recently, knowing it sounded unrealistic. In the past, this kind of hardship would have sent me running, quaking in fear.
I won’t lie to you, nights are hard, fear knocks, and I beat it back with scripture.
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.” 2Timothy 1:7 (CSB)
“Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6 (CSB)
“When I am afraid, I will TRUST in you.” Psalms 56:3 (CSB) (emphasis mine)
“There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishmet. So the one who fears is not complete in love.” 1John 4:18 (CSB)
“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7 (CSB)
Peace from God surpasses all understanding. It is the only explanation I have.
Here is where I need you to lean in close.
I am not a superhero. I know brokenness. I am redeemed and restored from the pit of Hell. A hell hole of my making.
Instead of a relationship, I had religion, and when the storms of life blew in, I ran. I ran hard; Jesus ran harder.
That is when I knew with certainty; I needed to make a change.
What changes did I make?
I needed a life steeped in the Word of God. I wanted to build a “savings account” (from Women in the Word by Jen Wilkin) rich with Scripture. I wanted a prayer life, a relationship, not a check off the box religion.
Dearest One, when you lay a request like that before the Throne of Grace, you will receive it.
As I sit in the most challenging season of my life, this is the only explanation I can give you for the settledness in my soul.
Maybe you have been there; perhaps you are there now?
Maybe you want or need to open your own savings account. I would love to help you in any way possible.
It’s not rocket science. It is a commitment, a daily commitment to a time and a place to meet with God through prayer, journaling, and His Word. I would love to partner with you. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Together we can work through the details.
From the Wilderness Place
Your Wilderness Guide,
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I’m blessed to serve you in this place, to share with you the Gifts of Grace as I journey through the wilderness. I picture you across the table, hands wrapped tightly around your cup, sharing life, and laughter, and tears. As I share with you, my daily struggles, I long to hear what yours may be. You can do that by commenting below or reaching out to me at email@example.com.
PS: My first book, Mornings In The Word is available now. Order your copy today.