“There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears is not complete in love.”
1 John 4:18 (CSB)
There is a hush in The Wilderness Place; snow continues to fall. The quiet settles my soul, and I find myself resting in the sacred place. Once again, I am reminded in Him there is perfect peace. Peace, the life-raft tossed into the murky waters of living with chronic illness. Calmness washes away my fear. I catch it and grip it in my hands.
This is exactly where I found myself last week as I lay on the metal table. I expected the changes to be not good. I continue to grasp the reality of this when the test results made it into my inbox. I spent a better part of my day rooted in fear, waiting for the doctor to call, explaining scary medical words I had already googled.
I do not want to live in fear, I would rather live this story well. How can I when I clearly see the earthly results? I tucked away in the corner of my sofa, opened my Bible, and journal to process it again.
I scratched this prayer across the page:
This place is only temporay, the pain fleeting. There will one day be a new body, movement without pain, on the other side of this life. I will run, and dance, and take long walks with you.
You knit me together in my mother’s womb. My days laid out before you. You called me by name before I ever knew the path my life would take.
You are with me and I will not fear. Your perfect love drives out fear.
You lead me near still waters and refresh my weary soul. You give me strength when I am weak.
You collect my tears and wash me in Your unending mercy and grace. Without You, I would be nothing.
You fill me with your Spirit and give me hope in your salvation.
You made me and I am yours.
In the hard edges of this life, in the grinding pain, I will choose YOU.
Gifts of Grace
PS: Simplify is my word for 2018, you can read about it here.
In case you missed last weeks post, The Purpose of Boundaries, you can read it here.
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I’m blessed to serve you in this place, to share with you the Gifts of Grace as I journey through the wilderness. I picture you across the table, hands wrapped tightly around your cup, sharing life, and laughter, and tears. As I share with you, my daily struggles, I long to hear what yours may be. You can do that by commenting below or reaching out to me here.