My storm did not come with wind nor rain. I was stranded in The Wilderness, living in the midst of the unknown, fading away with each passing day. 

Survival felt beyond my reach. 

Dearest Readers, 

I am not surprised on this day as I chose to write about my storm, the wind fiercely blows, rattling windows. Rain beats a steady rhythm on the roof. There is cozy darkness surrounding me. I am no longer afraid; I found calm in the midst of my storm.

Today, I choose to share this painful story with you.

My storm did not come with wind nor rain. I was stranded in The Wilderness, living in the midst of the unknown, fading away with each passing day. 

Survival felt beyond my reach. 

An unexpected whirlwind blew over my life, stripping me of what was. I ignored the signs. Dark clouds hovered near, and I chose not to see them. I wanted to believe life as I knew it does not fall away.

When you feel the unholy hard coming your way, you choose to ignore it, wish to believe you are invincible and will not be affected by such things. If you live long enough, you will be knocked over at least once by a raging storm.

James tells us the same.

“Consider it a great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2-4 (CSB)

Pieces of my life, cut away, left me flailing about in words, “no cure, only managing.” In a matter of time, everything familiar, gone. My job, driving, running, leaving our home, dressing, standing, any semblance of independence. One by one they departed without asking permission.

Stripped of self-reliance, led to the wilderness in the midst of a raging storm. The first hardest days, finding the strength to fight was beyond my grasp.

Reaching my fingertips, turning pages, I read of another storm.

“As he got into the boat, his disciples followed him. Suddenly, a violent storm arose on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by the waves – but Jesus kept sleeping. So the disciples came and woke him up, saying, ‘Lord, save us! We’re going to die!’

He said to them, ‘Why are you afraid, you of little faith?’ Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm.” Matthew 8:23-26 (CSB)

I was terrified! I had come to a place where any illusion of control was gone, left with choosing faith or choosing a life of fear, giving up and giving in. There was my Sweet Man with his furrowed brow, the precious faces of my grandchildren and children watching me. My Soul Sister was pushing and prodding, often dragging me forward, refusing to let me give up.

I chose the boat with Jesus in it. I fell into His embrace in the wilderness. I needed calm in the storm. When I tell you this, likely you may think I am pulling your leg or stretching the truth. I. Am. Not.

In the midst of the storm, I found calm. I found the peace that passes all understanding. Peace, I did not, could not begin to understand. My unraveling was the sweetest time with the Lord. In the midst of unholy hard, I walked on the mountaintop.

I want so badly to take your beautiful face in my hands and tell you, “You, too can have the same.” Is it easy? No, it’s just as James says, it is a trial. Pain is deep and relentless. But, there is calm. There is a joy. If you don’t get but one thing from my story, I beg you to get this. There is more than surviving; there is thriving.

You can have the same. You too can have Jesus. You are his beloved. He longs to be yours. He is in the midst of our storms, calming, protecting, holding. We must choose to believe.

Gifts of Grace

You are welcome here! Sign up here and receive new posts directly in your inbox. 

Other posts from Mornings In The word are here

I’m blessed to serve you in this place, to share with you the Gifts of Grace as I journey through the wilderness. I picture you across the table, hands wrapped tightly around your cup, sharing life, and laughter, and tears. As I share with you, my daily struggles, I long to hear what yours may be. You can do that by commenting below or reaching out to me here.