“God’s will for us is generally for us to pursue that which gives us life (John 10:10) and to turn away from things that drain life from us and leave us debilitated.”
Ruth Haley Barton from Sacred Rhythms
Dear Readers,
I feel as if we are mildewing in these parts, rain has been falling for days. Still, I’m wowed by brilliant blooms, bird shenanigans beneath the feeders, and their singing in the rain. Captivated by unfolding grace on stormy days. Maybe we can find a bit of sunshine together? I’m sharing three questions most often asked about my wilderness journey. Three questions, I have wrestled with. The three answers I have found daily living with chronic illness.
One: How are you doing?
For those of us living daily with chronic illness, “How are you doing?” is a loaded question.
Not one I want to answer. I don’t want to be the person to drag you down. My inner critic wonders do you really want to know? Are you simply filling space with words? If I were to answer that question, I would drain myself when I can’t spare that kind of energy.
Thanks to a dear friend, I have come up with an answer. One I can live with and one that won’t drive you away. You can read about that here. You see, turning you away with complaints is one of my fears. I suspect many of you living with chronic illness fear the same.
Two: What do you do all day?
Can I tell you one thing I don’t do? I do not watch television. (gasp) No, I’m not a super hero, I struggle with faith, I harass God with all the “Why’s.” I sling unholy temper tantrums before the Lord and often my Sweet Man. I am a million and one layers of imperfection. So why? Why do I not watch television? I. Know. Me. I have a compulsive personality. I can’t watch one episode, or one season of a show. Rather, I tug a blanket over me and check out of this one beautiful broken story I have been blessed to live. It’s one way of guarding my heart against self-pity, focusing on the hard edges of my life rather than the beauty, His beauty around me.
What I do, is fill my space with reading, writing, listen to fun, uplifting podcasts (I will share my list soon), and make space for rest. I pursue the things which give me life. I search for provision, gifts of grace, and the Presence of God in the wilderness.
Three: Do you miss your old life?
Three and one-half years we have been here. Occasionally, I am prone to take a memory from the past, give it space to gently linger in my heart. Occasionally, I stomp up a fit over not driving a car. At my loss of independence. When the time was right, I grieved the old and let it go. Choosing to move forward one moment at a time.
Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
Avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech.
Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you.
Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path.
Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil.
Proverbs 4: 23-27 (NLT)
Gifts of Grace
PS: I’m blessed to serve you in this place, to share with you the Gifts of Grace as I journey through the wilderness. I picture you across the table, hands wrapped tightly around your cup, sharing life, and laughter, and tears. As I share with you my own daily struggles, I long to hear what yours may be. Sharing the realness of life. You can do that by commenting below or reaching out to me here.
You are welcomed here! Sign up here and receive new posts directly in your inbox.
PSS: Have you read Whispers of Rest by Bonnie Gray. Read more about it here.

Dear Tammy,
Oh thank you for these beautiful and heart-open words today. God has given me that Scripture in Proverbs also–I so needed the reminder! And this “I search for provision, gifts of grace, and the Presence of God in the wilderness” is touching my heart deeply here. That is the key isn’t it? Watching for His Presence with us. Blessings and Prayers for you today!
Thank you Bettie! I hope you are having a “living well” day!
Blessings, hugs, and prayers!
XO
Tammy
I was just at a doctor’s appt, and the nurse asked me how I am. It popped out of my mouth without even thinking, “OK, how are you?” Oops… Why am I here then? Of course, I eventually told her how I really am. But those words pop out of my mouth when anyone asks how I’m doing, and it’s so hard to get over it. I’m trying to be authentic and honest, but it’s not always easy when someone asks how I am. I would rather turn the tables and talk about them… Thank you for these questions and your honest thoughts, Tammy. Blessings and hugs to you!
Trudy, it’s the easiest response and uncomplicated. Unless you are one who is there, it’s difficult for others to understand, though they mean no harm.
Hugs to you!
XO
Tammy
Tammy- I’m glad to be your neighbor at #TellHisStory. Sounds like you’re a great inspiration to others. I’m going to poke around your site and learn more about you!
God’s blessings to you!
Julie, I’m so glad you stopped by! I hope to see you again soon!
XO
Tammy
Tammy- I’m glad to be your neighbor at #TellHisStory and nice to meet you!
I’m going to check out the rest of your site, but you sound like a great inspiration.
Blessings to you!
Julie it is nice to meet you! I’m so glad you stopped by!
XO
Tammy
ugh… the knee jerk small talk questions that we so often resort to… I so appreciate the insight into being more intentional in asking questions or wording our questions in a better way! So good!
Thank you Karrilee! Blessed by your prayers and encouragement!
XO
Tammy
Karrilee, I can’t imagine how many times in my past I overlooked another’s pain, or been indifferent! You are such a blessing to me!
XO
Tammy
Thanks for sharing Tammy!!! So glad to connect with you via the 31-day Survivors group!!
Thank you!
XO
Tammy
This is a beautiful post, and your words are poetic.
I too have been moved by Kara Tippetts, her words and how she lived out her story.
Thank you for what you do here.
Thank you Susan for stopping by!
XO
Tammy
You are a very gifted writer, Tammy. Your story resonates with me. If you ever need to talk, you have my email address below. ? Bless you for speaking out.
Thank you for stopping by and your encouraging words!
XO
Tammy
We’ve struggled with the “How are you?” question both when I was slowly recovering from an autoimmune disease attacking my spine several years ago and now with my mother-in-law under hospice care in my home. If we respond to “How are you” with anything less than a cheerful, positive response, people tend to blink slowly and feel awkward. We don’t want to do that to them, but we feel, as you said, not authentic if we just say the expected “fine” and go one. It’s a blessing when people ask it like they mean it rather than just as a meaningless ritual.
Hello, Barbara! Yes, it’s a hard question and one that’s difficult to answer when you are in the hard places. Thank you for stopping by!
Sending prayers!
XO
Tammy
Tammy, reading your posts gives me insight into a world that I’m not completely familiar with, but learning. I love the scripture on guarding our hearts. It is vital! Praying for all things concerning you.
Thank you, Christina! Your words encourage me!
XO
Tammy
I don’t really feel qualified to even comment on chronic illness, but after being down for several months with my back, I feel like I have gotten a glimpse. So inspired by the way you process your illness and share your thoughts.
Thank you, Melissa! I’m glad you’re up and about again! Love watching the progress on your home improvements!
XO
Tammy