“In the great fractures of our lives, God is present in the cracks.”
Lisa Whittle from I Want God
This past Thursday morning came with a throwback Thursday post from last year’s Write 31 Days series. I scrolled through intimate parts of me spilled onto the page. I picked one that fit this particular day, Life Moves On~I Stand Still.
As my precocious beautiful thirteen year old granddaughter would say, “I was having all the feels.” It was the day for my regular scheduled visit to my very compassionate neurologist. Something about these visits brings out the ugly in me and yes, all the feels, along with the memories of the first hardest days. The finality of a diagnosis without a cure.
First I had to arrange transportation, insert loud lamenting here. If you are one who has lost your independence, you will understand. If you are one who needs help in the ordinary things of life, most take for granted, you will understand.
This visit typically makes for a long day. I arrange a ride and my sweet man meets me when I am called back to see the doctor. We have been walking this road together four and a half years now and we have learned to minimize his time away from work.
Next came the packing. Yes, packing, for a fifteen minute drive across town and a few hours away from home. Gatorade, protein bar, refilling emergency medications, extra sodium tablets. My journal, current read, along with a draft from this years Write31Days to edit. All of this for a few hours away from home.
Heaving my bag on one shoulder, Gatorade in hand, cane in my other, with turtle warp speed I make my way into the office, sign in, move to what I know to be the warmest corner of the waiting room.
Settling deep into a worn leather sofa, I pull out my journal, the pages I intended to edit, leaned the Gatorade against my leg, and yes, a colored pen. ~smile~
This is where I keep my eyes to myself, absorbed in doing my work and distracting myself. It is when I look up I see the future looming in front of me. Wheelchairs, and walkers, portable oxygen tanks, bandages from recent IV sodium infusions, eyes distant and sometimes blank. Gaunt faces, bodies folded into themselves, gritty stories of living the unholy hard mark them. I recognize it. Know it for myself.
Eyes cast low, I venture a look around the corner where I have tucked myself. Three others holding their own Gatorade bottle are tucked away in my little corner, folded into themselves, as well. One older, one younger, one somewhere around my season of life.
Abandoning the work lying in my lap, I held up my bottle and spoke one word, “P.O.T.S?” Conversations, stories shared, it was as if we were tucked away in a coffee shop sharing intimacies of living the gravelly side of life.
I shared what I had learned, on line support groups, a new electrolyte drink designed especially for the likes of us, coping mechanisms, and where to find a fancy cane.
I thought of Peter, how much I resemble him, coming from the darkness of denying Jesus, to a place of grace. Transformed, he could not help himself.
Peter and John went to the Temple one afternoon to take part in the three o’clock prayer service. As they approached the Temple, a man lame from birth was being carried in. Each day he was put beside the Temple gate, the one called the Beautiful Gate, so he could beg from the people going into the Temple. When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for some money.
Peter and John look at him intently, and Peter said, “Look at us!” The lame man looked at them eagerly, expecting some money. But Peter said, “I don’t have any silver or gold for you. But I’ll give you what I have. In the name of Jesus Christ the Nazarene, get up and walk!” ~Acts 3:1-6 NLT
And then the question was posed, “How do you do it?”
But God. But Grace. I gave them what I have.
I could not live this story if it were not for the equipping, the provision, the strength, the grace of Almighty God. The God who sees me, who formed me in this special way, so that I might give what I have. The Author of my story, written and penned by his hand.
I gave them what I have. Perhaps we will meet up again in our small corner and I can pose the question, “Have you found Grace?”
“Have you allowed The Redeemer of all stories, redeem yours. And are you giving it to others?”
Coming October 1 a new Write31Days series, Journey to Action. Intrigued? I hope to see you there. Sign up and receive my emails and you won’t miss a thing! I am excited for this series, as it has stretched and transformed me in ways I could not have imagined!
Also coming soon, this sweet book compiling Five Minute Friday stories, I am honored to be a part of.
Gifts of Grace