Consider well the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established and ordered aright.
Proverbs 4:26 AMPC
I crumbled Monday, gave in to the pain.
Wrapping up in my soft blanket, curling up in my chair, turning on the television (gasp) and scanning Netflix.
I found that once I turned off the news, the quiet settled me. Soon, I had given up television all together. My beloved Hallmark channel, the Message music channel, no longer peeping at my man’s westerns.
I have been a bit haughty and prideful in this. And, well, you know how that goes. When I sit upon my high horse, I fall hard.
I fell Monday. Monday led to Tuesday. By Wednesday morning, I had morphed into a shrew. Wallowing in self pity, resenting the man I love each time he walked out the door. Left to watch his back down the steps, the tail lights fade up the drive. The long days.
Oh it was ugly. But God, oh how I love those words. But God. He met there Wednesday morning, in the slamming of the door, the passive aggressive stomping (as much stomping as one with P.O.T.S. and decaying bones can muster), my unpleasant countenance.
Hot coffee in one hand, pen and journal the other, his Word open on my lap, we had a “come to Jesus meetin (mountain twang~smile)” in that chair. The irony in that southern phrase did not pass me by. By the way, it is a mite sacred in these parts, so please, no judging. I’m simply being real here. Every now and then, it’s safe to say we all need a “come to Jesus meetin.”
For you, a journey into Netflix may not be a rocky path. For me, it is.
Wallowing up in my blanket, one episode upon another, takes me out of His embrace. I am left standing in my own strength. Flailing about.
Feeble in heart and mind.
I am the child of an alcoholic. Addiction runs deep in my roots. I can’t have just one. One drink. One episode of Heartland or Law and Order: SVU.
Once I step off the path that keeps me aright, I am a mess.
A wallowing, self pitying, stomping shrew. Focused only on myself.
As a sufferer of chronic illness and chronic pain, once I focus on myself, take my eyes off the One who has given me this sacred grace story; all I can see, all I can feel, is darkness and pain.
I’m thankful for that meeting in my chair. Thankful for the God who always pursues me and never, ever, gives up on me.
I am thankful for the grace story He has written just for me.
If you enjoyed this story and other Five Minute Friday posts, there is good news! Coming September 26th is a collection of stories from Five Minute Friday, be on the lookout!
Graced by God,