~Want~-2

Can I tell you it is good to be back in this space. I scrolled through the fmfparty during the night as my sweet man struggled with post~surgery restlessness. Fun conversations sprinkled in night brought cheer to the darkness.

I needed it. The surreal still clings to my skin.

I cannot let last weeks word pass me by. Haven.

I was setting in a cold waiting room, the temperature hovered near to arctic. The chill inside sending shivers to my heart. A shifting of all things secure. Shaken to my core.

Held in the arms of El Shaddi, The God in Whom Nothing is Impossible. Surrounded by family, friends, community, my haven.

The thing I want for came, bringing a sweet haven into this place. The prayer I have prayed for months, answered.

I have longed for my man to be home with me. Longed for more days spent together. Long for more time. We are in the season where days seem to speed by, lending urgency to them.

A season where we savor every waking minute, making a stab at not letting one ordinary moment go unnoticed.

Words are gentle here. Tenderness lingers in every touch.

The gift I wanted did not come wrapped in a way I expected. It came through the hard and scary.

I think of the Israelites wandering in the dessert through the pages of Deuteronomy. Quick to notice the hard, they missed the grace. The gifts.

For forty years I led you through the wilderness yet your clothes and sandals did not wear out. Deuteronomy 29:5  

I flip back to Deuteronomy 8:4 “For all these years your clothes didn’t wear out, your feet blister or swell.”

So focused on the wilderness, they did not notice. Did they never look down? How could they miss the grace? Am I any different?

I long to be. Want to be. I don’t want to be so blinded by the ugly I miss the gift.

I don’t want to miss the grace.

These days are a gift. I will treasure them. We will treasure them.

Gifts of Grace

Tammy Mashburn

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