“Everything in me wants to fight the unveiling of the anxieties that threaten to overwhelm, push them back from showing up in my day. I want to ignore the smoky unknown; it is counter~intuitive to let the anxieties rise up to the surface.”
Simply Tuesday~Emily P. Freeman
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The last of the Christmas sparkle has faded. Gifts chosen with love and care, unwrapped. Empty boxes recycled. Crinkled paper, ribbons and bows, carried out with the trash.
The beast of a tree taken out. Pine needles swept and vacuumed up.
I slipped my feet, warmed by woolen socks, into my slippers. Just yesterday, finding tucked away inside, lay one lone rebellious pine needle. It wasn’t causing any discomfort or harm, I chose to leave it there.
I am a sentimental one. Finding memories in the mundane and ordinary things. One who needs to mark them with words and pen.
For us, this had been a joyous season. A time of slowing and savoring. Mending. Intentional with our gifts, choosing what we hoped to be meaningful. Spending less. Doing less. Being present.
Time had seemed to crawl as we stretched it out. My precious man sitting close in the dark of evening, reading aloud, Cosmic Christmas by Max Lucado.
I did not want to let go. My heart heavy, as I tenderly wrapped the tissue paper around Mary and Joseph. The babe in the manger.
For we walk by faith not by sight. 2Corinthians 5:7~NKJV
I needed the tangible. Something to hold tightly in my hand. A reminder as I moved forward.
Life and schedules back to normal, things I needed to do, as my man headed back to work. Instead, I went to my chair.
I folded up, covered up. The ever loyal furry friend tucked behind me on the chair, snoozing away.
Curled up tightly, empty space was left beside me.
I invited fear in. Take a seat, and let me wallow here with you, I thought to myself. Allowing the anxieties to rise to the surface. They did.
I wish I could be noble. Call it holy loitering, as Brennan Manning in his book The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus, does.
I knew what was coming today. The moving forward, hard.
Several times throughout the night, I stretched my fingers out to touch the Bible I had placed beneath my pillow. Needing again to feel the tangible thing.
Today, the clock behind me loud and fast. Moving forward in a most ungracious way. I stand at the edge of the unknown.
A nurse will walk through our door later this afternoon. Instruct us on a new treatment. Ugly side effects, a bit risky. A risk they have advised us we need to take.
I know it could be so much worse. For all it is not, I am truly thankful. But still, I was not ready for this.
Seven hundred and thirty days of daily injections. Yes, I will count them. “Count them down,” my Soul Sister says. We will celebrate the “negative numbers” together, just as we did in the miles we ran.
In my knowing, I know that standing on the edge and believing, is the defining of faith unseen.
This is the holy place where grace will meet me. Tender mercies will comfort.
Manna will fall from heaven. Already has.
This is just bit of Manna from today’s quiet time…
~Psalms 73:23 Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand.
~Ephesians 1:18~19a having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe…
~Jesus Calling by Sara Young today, “It is through problems and failure, weakness and neediness that you learn to rely on me.”
~Community, Believers, Sisters in Christ, Daughters in love; sending texts and emails, prayers and encouraging words. Offers of help.
Tangible in the unseen.
“But it’s possible to live like a storm is ever brewing just outside the door even when the sky is clear and bright. It’s possible to take cover when there’s nothing to take cover from, to plan for extremes and complications even when the day in front of us is simple and straightforward.” Simply Tuesday~Emily P. Freeman
The sun is shining. Frost lingers on the ground. The sky is clear and bright. My view, well my view at this moment is simply breathtaking.
Chili is simmering in the crockpot. There is a good book to read.
A living, breathing God to take my hand. We have walked through the valley before. He will not fail me here, no matter the outcome.
One thing I know for certain, when we are willing to stand on the edge of faith in the unseen…we are close to holy ground. The view, more breathtaking than the one in front of me in this moment of ordinary.
Emily’s Prayer for the Flash~Chasers
“We confess our habit of creating storms. Teach us to mark them instead. May we take Love by the hand and follow gently along. May we partner with you as we look to the future; bearing, believing, hoping, and enduring. May we chase the flashes of hope that visit us in ordinary time, gather all the light in your presence, and trust you to string it together for our good and for your glory.”
Simply Tuesday~Emily P. Freeman
Gifts of Grace
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