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This past weekend my sweet man and I were “camped in” and tuned into golf’s U.S. Open Championship. We love golf. Played a good bit in another season of life. And we love to watch the major tournaments together.

It was a great tournament, very competitive, with breathtaking views. Our favorite players were right up there at the top of the leaderboard thrashing it out.

But the story. The story was the backstory. Not the great golf being played.

The story was Jason Day’s tumble to the ground on the eighteenth fairway during his second round. At least what appeared to be a tumble, possibly a misstep in a hole.

Turns out he was blindsided by a sudden onslaught of vertigo that knocked him flat on his back. He had been experiencing vertigo, and had in fact withdrawn from an earlier tournament. Slowly with help, and medical personal close by, he made his way up the fairway and finished his round of golf.

Jason went on to play through the weekend. Struggled and fought and battled his way through. The stress on his face, his un-steady gait, the constant shaking of his head was painful to watch. It was said several times he wanted to quit.

His story. The backstory was so close to my own I watched him with breath held. I no longer cared as much about the golf, the great shots made, or even who won.

I don’t know what the medical outcome for Jason will be or what the future holds for him. I do know what it is like to live with vertigo every day of my life.

Near to three years now Dysautonomia, P.O.T.S., vertigo, chronic illness. It is my story. The battle I fight. Daily.

But the story I want to be seen, the story I want you to see, is the backstory.

“But now we have been given a brief moment of grace…” Ezra 9:8a~NLT 

The Grace.

Oh sure the weariness in the dailyness of the battle sometimes overwhelms and suffocates. I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that by now I thought for sure there would be a magic pill or a cure and this would be over with. And yeah I stomp my feet at the frustration of it all.

But the Grace. The brief moments of Grace that God gives me. His Providence and Provision. It takes my breath away.

Provision with His Word.

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” 2Corinthians 12:9~NLT

 Providence in Clayton King’s book Stronger falling into my hands just when I was at my wit’s end.

“Our weakness doesn’t define us. How we respond to our weakness does.” p.55

“God will leverage the most difficult things we’ve ever gone through for his own purposes.”p.65

Sure, I count the gifts (Ann Voskamp’s 1000 Gifts: Dare to Live More Fully Where You Are). Name them in my journal. They were the stepping stones that got me through the first hardest days. Still do.

But it is Ezra’s words that ring in my ears with every beat of my heart…But now I(we) have been given this brief moment of grace.

I cling to those moments. Search for them. They come.

They come in the perfectly timed text from a sweet sister in Christ. The phone call from my best friend.

Grace, when I call my sweet man and tell him I don’t feel like cooking today. He says, “that’s ok, we’ll figure it out.”

When I call to tell him I’ve had two bad days in a row and I really don’t feel like hanging on to the countertop with one hand and putting on make up with the other. How he laughs and says the sweetest words of all, “I really don’t know why you bother, you’re beautiful just as you are.” Now that’s some kind of grace! (smile)

At the end of the day when I crawl up in my bed, Bible and journal spread across my lap, I begin to list and write the “brief moments of grace”. It takes up a page or two. Our sweet rescue dog, Lola, laying up against my cold legs.

“…it is in the process that He shows me all that He wants me to know about who He is.” Abisha~Going Beyond Ministries Blog

Grace comes in the mundane things. The dailyness of walking in the hard. In the process, that is where I am blessed to see Him.

That is where God’s Glory is revealed.

That is where the story is.

Graced by God

Tammy Mashburn