IMG_1479

“Prayer is not eloquence, but earnestness; not the definition of helplessness, but the feeling of it; not figures of speech, but earnestness of soul.” Hannah More

Ahhh…the morning after, sometimes how sweet they can be. I remember the morning after my first prom. Feet that did not touch the ground. Stars in my eyes as I replayed every moment. The dance to Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven.

The morning after my first child was born. Frozen world beyond the windows with cold and ice, the warmth inside as I held that bundle of life wrapped in blue.

The morning after high school graduation. I had hipped that chubby wiggly baby boy, collected a diploma with honors, when the entire school had said I wouldn’t be able to. The sweet relief of knowing somehow I had made it through.

The dark days in the pit, when the mornings were not so pretty. The struggle to put one foot in front of the other as God slowly and tenderly pulled me out. Showed me Grace.

Miles and memories of so many more.

Today one more.

The morning after Wednesday night prayer meeting at View Church (mountainviewbc.com).

After several sermons on prayer by our Pastor, it was a special time. A call to prayer. Getting into His Presence through prayer. A commitment to pray.

Not the driving down the road, “fast food” kind of prayer. One more quick thing to check off your list. But, a raw, sweaty, desperate cry out to God.

The “on your face” kind of prayer.

I have been struggling in my prayer life lately. Desperately searching for God in the hard. Certain He was impatient with me bringing these same things to the table over and over again. Worried I was just going through the motions. Shamed by my “wimpy” faith.

I set here this morning, the morning after, staring out at the sunrise pondering last night.

Stunned.

Stunned by all that I had seen. Earnestness. Sincerity. Humility. Reverence. Transparency.

Speechless, tears trickled down my cheeks.

This thing of prayer is all about cultivating a relationship with Him. Crushed by the desperate and hard things in my life when words fail to come, stumbling in the dark, there is still relationship. Intimacy.

A knowing that He sees my struggles. Hears the unspoken, unspeakable words.

“Heaven abounds with answers and enlightenment, but here, we stumble a bit in the dark still.” Sarah Mae

Intentionally cultivating this habit of prayer, lays a foundation when times are dark and you are stunned to silence. Building intimacy. Tending my relationship. Bringing it to the table, His table. Continually seeking. Always knocking. Shameless persistence.

“But I tell you this~though he won’t do it for friendship’s sake, if you keep knocking long enough, he will get up and give you whatever you need because of your shameless persistence. And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.” Luke 11:8-10 NLT

“Prayer moves the hand of God.” Pastor Tyler Kirby, View Church 

And so I come back to this place day after day. Desperately seeking. Crying out again and again. Praying for blind faith as I stumble in the dark.

“Prayer is not merely an occasional impulse to which we respond when we are in trouble: prayer is a life attitude.” Walter A. Mueller

Making this thing of prayer a life attitude…breathing out prayers with every breath I take.

Graced by God

Tammy Mashburn

http://holleygerth.com/