tunnel

“You light a lamp for me. The Lord, my God, lights up my darkness.” Psalm 18:28 NLT

It was Sunday morning, I was simply trying to get out the door to Sunday School and Worship service. The harder I tried, the more I fell behind.

Pick up this thing, clean up that mess, make up the beds, throw laundry in. There’s sticky places in the kitchen.

I. Can’t. Breath.

The cat is ever demanding fresh food on a clean plate. Why I let this one bug me, I’ll never know. Must be her arrogance and the impatient swishing of her tail.

This is my favorite day of the week. I love corporate worship. Sunday School. Greeting friends. Soaking in His Presence. Swaying to the music.

And somehow, it always seems to be the hardest morning for me to “move it, move it” (Madagascar).

I’m up early. Had my quiet time. Breathed in His Word. Prayed. Lingered over my coffee. Spent time with my man.

Still,  I find myself in this place. Again.  This place where it seems there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Discouraged. Snapping at anything that gets in my way. Well, except for the cat who has some kind of hold over me, calling the shots in my house.

Crushed. Dismayed. Disappointed in myself.

“I am exhausted and completely crushed. 

My groans come from an anguished heart.” Psalm 38:8 NLT

Hours earlier, I had it all together. Even humming under my breath with a cheerful heart.

What happened?

I’ll tell you what. Satan jumped in that big ole bucket of perfectionism I carry around.

It’s a family curse. And it is for sure a woman thing.

Jennifer Dukes Lee shared this link in one of her blogs last week, I would like to share it with you…http://www.thevillagechurch.net/sermon/womans-redemption/. A sermon by Matt Chandler from The Village Church.

He speaks of “the bucket of perfectionism” and the “the bucket of comparison” that we,  as women carry around.

Throw those in with a large, almost unhealthy,  dose of fear and therein lies every spiritual weakness I am faced with. A playground for the Evil one.

How in the world can I fight that?

With Light. The Light.

Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life”. John 8:12 NLT

When you can’t see light at the end of the tunnel, there is only One Light. Jesus.

“You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” Isaiah 26:3 NLT

I will forget the mess, and fix my eyes on The One Above.

I will breath. Breathing Him in.

Searching for the smallest of things to remind me to find The Light.

One of my precious granddaughters was here this week wearing her new shirt with a glamorous and glittery winter scene.

My grandchildren most always leave behind a sweet gift for me to find. Bouncy balls between the cushions. The occasional note or bookmark stuck in my Bible. Rubber lizards in the bathtub(not my favorite yet still elicits a smile along with a tiny squeal). A sticker of some sort on the grocery list. Treasures that remind me they were here.

This time it was glitter from the sparkly shirt. Glitter is sprinkled from one end of the house to the other. Every time I look down the glitter sparkles and winks at me. I chuckle.

I’m reminded to look up.

Sparkles of glitter twinkling all around reminding me there is light at the end of the tunnel. I need only to look up.

Next Sunday, most likely I will fail again. There’s something about a Sunday that has Satan poised to attack. I will go boldly to the throne of our Gracious God, pour out my heavy buckets and beg to have them filled with Him. And there I will receive his mercy, and find grace to help me where I need it most(Hebrews 4:16).

Graced by God

Tammy Mashburn