Holding This Tension: A Balancing Act

I am holding this tension of where I am and where I long to be. 

The longing for shorter days and longer spans of quiet.

Dearest Reader,

It’s gray and damp today in The Wilderness Place. Wet leaves lay like a carpet on the ground. The golden hues of hay bent under the heaviness of dew.

I am holding this tension of where I am and where I long to be. The longing for shorter days and longer spans of quiet.

We’ve moved into the second half of October, and I find myself holding this balance, staring pensively through the window. Brooding.


There is something about October that sends me to this place of finding balance in the tension of where I am and where I long to be. Perhaps, it’s the changes. The weather, the leaves. The grass, turning brown and the hay blowing in golden waves.

The ups and downs of my body absorbing my days and most of my night.

Thinking back, before P.O.T.S, before Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, decaying bones, and days filled with pain, October has always been this way for me.

There’s this space of finding balance in shorter days and longer nights. I am coming to realize the shorter days are what my body needs.

My body grows weary as my to-do list has grown longer and shorter days slow me, slow the rhythms of my days. I begin to feel better, more rested, and protective of darkness coming earlier.

Finding Balance

Our routine becomes quieter and less frenzied; evenings spent wrapped in a blanket and a good book in hand. More extended conversations over morning coffee.

I find myself sitting longer with my Bible and journal in hand.

The shorter days renew and refill me. I breathe in the scent of Autumn and beg this season to find a way to slow.

The stack of answered prayers grows in significance against the mountains of unanswered prayers. I remember that God is with me in the hard.

“God is magnificent; he can never be praised enough. There are no boundaries to his greatness.

Generation after generation stands in awe of your work; each one tells stories of your mighty acts.

Your beauty and splendor have everyone talking; I compose songs on your wonders. 

Your marvelous doings are headline news; I could write a book full of the details of your greatness.”

Psalms 145:3-7 The Message

Gifts of Grace

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I’m blessed to serve you in this place, to share with you the Gifts of Grace as I journey through the wilderness. I picture you across the table, hands wrapped tightly around your cup, sharing life, and laughter, and tears. As I share with you, my daily struggles, I long to hear what yours may be. You can do that by commenting below or reaching out to me here.

PS: My first book, Mornings In The Word is available now. Order your copy today.

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I’m Tammy

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